Apostatizing Demagogic Legion
Articles of Defiance
We the Apostatizing Demagogic Legion, that a more sane World may be apparent, do here fore declare War upon the Heavens and their silent, insensate Master, to Overthrow, to Dethrone, and to Render impotent (and to draw funny doodles on when asleep).
Article 1; Sections pertaining to membership and loyalty to the Legion,
- Henceforth and forever all Members of the Legion shall be known as Featherheads. Get used to it.
- Featherheads shall pledge their souls and labors to the betterment and glory of the Legion.
- Featherheads will pledge allegiance to the leader and creator of the Legion, Ancel De Lambert; also known as the Shining One, also known as the Feathered King, also known as the Winged Lion, also known as Awesomesauce, “Oh yeah, that guy,” and just about anything else I can think up, when it suits me.
- Featherheads shall inundate their friends, colleagues, family, and random people on the street with the greatness of the Legion. “No, dude, you should totally join. You get to carry a sword!”, “Free beer!”, etc.
- Featherheads will hang off of my every word and check my site daily in rapt exuberance for the wisdom I will purvey, when I get around to it.
- Featherheads will prepare for the upcoming war by stockpiling such known inflammatory, anti-Christian material as Harry Potter books, Tarot cards, Textbooks, and Hubble telescope pictures to throw at our enemies, rendering them helpless and quivering in existential uncertainty.
- Featherheads will be tasked with unveiling the secrets of the Jedi Order and the Force, because I think they are awesome and want to be one, and the Force is cool. Featherheads will also infiltrate organizations attempting to create lightsabers and aid their research.
- All Featherheads will gain the right to carry large, overly-dramatic weaponry in broad daylight. If any duly-appointed representative of the law should approach a Featherhead and inform them otherwise, then that representative is quite clearly an undercover member of the brutal Heaven and the Featherhead shall impale them upon said ridiculous armament in due haste.
- Featherheads, upon joining, gain the ability to wear white before Labor Day and bedeck themselves in feathers and still look classy. All others that wear feathers are clearly posers and are to be shunned; until such time as they join the Legion, upon which they will be sexy. Featherheads will also be able to style their hair in manners which defy physics.
- Featherheads will gain the power of flight. Go ahead, try it. I’ll wait.
Article 2; Pertaining to the organization of the Legion.
- Those Featherheads in the public eye and a part of any formal organization will be given code names (no you can’t have Snooky. Or Sepiroth!) based on the hierarchy of the Angelic Host as to more easily subvert them and assume their positions once the rebellion is complete. The lowest code will be Guardians, then Archangels, Principalities, Powers, Virtues, Dominions, Thrones, Cherubim, and the highest will be reserved for my personal super-special-totally-cool Cabinet, the Seraphim.
- Featherheads with military skills and function will be named after the noble titles of the Demonic Kingdom, so as to breed camaraderie between ourselves and the hellions we will undoubtedly need if we are to succeed against Heaven (think we can get Pinhead?). At the bottom are Presidents, Barons, Earls, Counts, Marquis, Dukes, and my generals at the top are Princes (King me).
- Those Featherheads assigned to espionage missions will be known collectively as Succubi, though they will retain their code names for security purposes (I don’t care what level your warlock on WOW is, you can’t have one).