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The Addiction

July 30, 2011

Oh my god. This is just so….. fucking funny! Bwahahahaha!

Okay, for those unwilling to click the link, the story is about a man who died of deep vein thrombosis because he sat and played Xbox for twenty, count ‘em twenty, frikkin hours. Dude, get up and get a soda. The real funny kicker was that the guy was about to go off and “study” video game design at a university, which means that if he hadn’t died here he would have just died later, from the same thing. Hello natural selection. The family is trying to raise awareness for “the health risks of playing online computer games”, which is kind of like raising awareness for the health risk of headbutting bulls: it’s not necessarily the bull’s fault. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating on the family, this just seems like one of those “the universe despises you, Timmy” moments.

If you’re so deep in your fantasy world that you forget to get up and eat or use the bathroom, it’s probably best that you go softly now, as opposed to in 15 years when you’re paunchy, balding, alone and ugly. Die beautiful, baby.

I’m Sorry, What?

May 2, 2011

Really? We got him? Just like that?

Fuck, just kill the Roadrunner why don’t you? On the other hand, suck it Illuminati theorists, hahahahaha!

American Crusades

April 23, 2011

Woof, I’ve been gone for a while. Well, classes (and video games) will do that to you.

As we currently find ourselves involved in another war, I found it necessary to ruminate over the supposed reasons that have been given. I’ve been told that it’s over oil, to find Bin Laden, or for apple-pie or some shit, but none of those reasons have ever felt right to me. They always rang hollow, not quite getting to the nub of the matter, or outright ignoring certain variables necessary for a convincing model. The theory is flawed. While thinking on this I had a flash of insight that sometimes overtakes the human mind. Thanks to the sort of anarchist nonsense that I tend to feed on, it came to my attention that I was too close to the matter to get a good view of it. Taking a step back and looking at what we are doing without any sort of national pride, and from a more historical perspective, I have realized that we are waging a holy war. Us, the U.S. Not the Arabs. Us. Well, both of us.

Most of the things we have been told are not the reasons we have engaged in war for the past few decades: we are not there for oil. Oil is a reason but it is not the reason; don’t let a former oil-man for president fool you. The “tension” in Libya had gas prices soaring before we let a HEAT fly, and there are plenty of easy ways to make money off oil if you are unscrupulous enough that don’t involve razing the ground over it. I won’t say that oil has nothing to do with these wars, but it’s not why we’re staying over there.

It is not for National Defense. If we wanted Bin Laden, we would find him. Look up “Green Beret” on Wikipedia some time, impressive doesn’t quite cut it. And these guys aren’t even our special forces! We all remember how wrong “Weapons of Mass Destruction” was, and when it comes to protecting the homeland, there are a lot more substantial threats. A nasty place comes to mind, very close to home, run by an evil dictator, riddled with communism (gasp!), mistreating its citizens, and fully willing to commit crazy-suicide war against us: it’s called Cuba.

Heck, the main reason 9/11 was “allowed” to happen was that America was far more concerned with the slew of domestic terrorism that had been happening, and so was not prepared for an extra-national attack. The Unabomber ring a bell? Suffice to say, there were other things on our minds, and for good reason.

Revenge is a silly thing to go to war over, and a silly thing to think we went to war over. Neither was it racism, America is actually smarter than that. It may not seem like it, but we really are. Why worry that someone doesn’t look like you when you can make them think like you? Which neatly segways into the real reason for these wars, religion.

Richard Dawkins called animals “survival machines” in The Selfish Gene, and what he meant was that any creature built from genetics was a tool to ensure the survival of the many genes and genetic material that the machine was built from. Is it simplistic? Of course, it’s an analogy. Dr. Dawkins also coined the term “meme,” the concept of self-replicating ideas that use our minds as an environment. Just as “run” might be an instinctual command from one’s genes, “throw salt over your shoulder” is a habitual command from a meme. In this case, the meme is a superstition, the information form of a virus. It co-opts space in your brain and runtime from your daily activities and replicates itself quite successfully through generations, even though it doesn’t do anything beneficial to the organism it inhabits. And just as the human body can be considered a survival machine for one’s genes, so can a nation be considered a survival machine for a society’s memes. Analogy.

The gene only allows for a society the size of one’s family, it is the meme that swells it to the size of a nation. Numbers for debts and allowances, agriculture for increased food supplies, metallurgy for defense and production, arts, music, language, craft; all these things are ideas that must be learned and are separate from genetics. Humans are special in that we are equally memetic creatures as well as genetic. The nation, however, is almost wholly memetic.

Our nation is built out of certain memetic qualities, some beneficial, some downright cancerous (coughJerseyShorecough), but that’s beside the point. The countries of the Middle East are also built out of certain memetic codes, with a great deal of overlap between them. America has “the Republic,” humanitarianism, Gaiaism, Christianity, and the family heart-history known as Feminism (viral); the East has, well, anything but that. What we have is one organism trying to co-opt the resources – people –  from another organism that shares no family history with it. The common cold is trying to muscle in on the chicken-pox’s turf.

The reason we haven’t pulled out of Iraq is because we are winning. We are converting the country to a western ideology. We are giving birth to our memetic legacy in the minds of Iraqis. Saying it was about spreading Democracy is about the only honest thing Bush said.

People (myself included) are wondering how on earth Obama could possibly think that attacking Libya is a good idea. The answer is simple, he didn’t think at all. No joke here, the memetic code of our society compelled him, and us, to take whatever action necessary to spread western ideology further in the world. The man had about as much to do with it as knocking on the doorframe has with keeping away influenza.

You don’t have to believe me in saying the President had nothing to do with it, evolution works whether you think God started it or not, but it is unassailable that what we are engaged in a war of beliefs; I suppose a better word would be doxa, not religion, or perhaps zeitgeist, though I think that word gets too much attention.

It is the core beliefs we hold, good, bad, or just junk, that compel us to face off against those we do not know because, well, we don’t know them. And for memetics, that is unforgivable. Huh, I guess it is about apple-pie.

War With Libya

March 20, 2011

Fffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuckkkkkk! Why couldn’t we leave them alone? Why couldn’t we let them do it by themselves? The Middle East isn’t as backwards as people think, they have the technology and wherewithal to free themselves, why the fuck are we involved? What happens if the country splits and we have one that can’t exist without us and one that hates our guts with a fiery passion? (Hemhem, Korea!) This is a stupid fucking idea, and don’t give me any bullshit about oil, I know Libya has nothing to do with it besides an excuse. We’re still in the tank after the first war, how could we possibly afford this one? This is the national equivalent of a professional boxer breaking up a slap-fight between two kids by 123-ing one of them, does that sound right? What happened to the usual plan of secretly sending weapons to the rebels through a third party, Wikileaks hasn’t ruined that! This is so not what this country needed, this is exactly what made Americans hate Bush, we are not World Police! We were finally starting to fix our image and then we start the same bullshit as before; nice to know that we’re like a kid that tries on Mommy’s clothes and thinks we’re adults, aka stupid!



Where’s the Beef?

February 4, 2011

It’s nice to see Rand Paul toeing the Libertarian line; to see someone representing by our political book is such a rare sight. At its very base, the Libertarian goal is the dissolution of the American Empire, and better to do it ourselves than be forced to do it once we overstep our boundaries and grow indolent, inviting our own destruction. A reduced Superpower is preferable to a defunct one. When will I be happy? When Guam and Puerto Rico and all other commonwealths of the United States are full members of the United States. If Israel wants our money it can start singing Oh Say Can You See.

PETA Fails As Usual

February 4, 2011

PETA once again releases an inappropriate ad campaign. Does lack of meat disrupt the mental filter? Does excessive fiber flush tact from the body? Or are all vegetarians and vegans simply natural pariahs looking for a socially acceptable holier-than-thou hobby to shock and annoy us with?

Grow Up! Y’know, If You Feel Like It

February 4, 2011

A ridiculous concept has been suffusing the news lately known as “emerging adulthood.” What is this? It is the premise that being listless and uncoordinated in your early twenties is a good thing. Basically, the enshrining of slacker-zen.

All of the articles that cover the subject assume that it is a wonderful thing for twenzies to be living at home with their parents, still stuck in college, and working half-shifts at the local fast-food joint; you know, the kind of thing it was barely okay for you to be doing your senior-year summer fifteen years ago.

The underlying theme of emerging adulthood is that young people are getting the chance to decide where they are going in life, and to have a few years off from responsibility before diving back into the waters of life. And like all things proposed by psychologists in their off-time, it’s complete swill.

One author, Robin Henig, posits that this is a natural state of being that has been repressed over the centuries and is developing because there is now the opportunity. She implores us to remember how children and adolescents were freed from responsibility and to tender the same to the technically mature.

there was a time before the periods of adolescence and even childhood were recognized, a dark age when people had to marry and bear children young, start working early and never stop, and otherwise do the things that we can now put off; otherwise, they would starve to death or be eaten by bears. Because these young people were not free to choose these burdens for themselves, they were never truly happy. But then man developed technology, and through it, luxury and a growing GDP, and found that he no longer had to subject himself to the grinding impositions of nature for his entire life.

What Henig and many like her fail to realize is that the emergence of adolescence is not a positive occurrence. Numerous articles have already long since been written on the subject focusing on the mistake that extended enforced infancy turned out to be. Articles talking about how minimum-wage, child-labor, and universal-education laws have castrated the young, cutting them off at the knees and forcing them to rely on their parents for longer and longer times. Every one of these writers that enjoys the idea of emerging adulthood runs off the principle of Weltschmerz to a paranoid degree. They all believe that to experience pain is to become a worse person; those who never experience any kind of defeat or disappointment become the best people. It is the rejection of exceptionalism and the unwavering acceptance of blank-slate ideology. It is this worldview that fueled participation trophies and no child left behind, helicopter parenting and baby-Mozart. It is the idea that life can only harm us, that we have lost Eden and can never get it back. It is terribly, sourly pessimistic. I’m with Schopenhauer on this one, “life without pain has no meaning.”

You want to know the real reason your kid is turning into a hipster? The real reason he’s never going to get married, have a career, or develop any kind of a life til he’s past thirty? Because you wouldn’t let him, dumbass! High school wastes away our life by forcing us to “learn” dumbed down minutia and the correct method for taking tests, and nothing else. From birth children are told they can be whatever they want, and so are paralyzed by the sheer number of possibilities, never making any choices until well past the time they should have a career. You go through life doing what you’re told because no one expects you to be capable of self-reliance, and then when you get to college you’re supposed to pick a major! And you’d better not fuck up and choose the wrong one, or you’ll be in debt and have to go back through the process. Why on earth would anyone do anything when to do so requires you to pick a seemingly-random direction in a wide-open plain filled with landmines? And you’re not even sure there’s anything at the end of the path you’ve chosen. No wonder the youth of America has turned to irony, their very existence is ironic.

Twenzies are listless and directionless because they’ve never had a direction, their lives have been mapped out since birth by hyper-concerned parents scared out of their minds by shock-media and now they’re just supposed to make a life? Seriously, Baby-boomers, your expectations of this generation continue to be insane, excessive, and more than a little, ironic.

You brought this abomination upon us, YOU!


The inspiration for this post is a wonderful article by Rita Koganzon, which I implore you to read because it does a better job than I could ever hope to of deconstructing the idea of “emerging adulthood.”


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